"GET OFF THE BEACH!"

I recently performed at PARDISE in Asbury Park, NJ. I love it there! It’s a fabulous club in a 50’s styled hotel called THE EMPRESS. Shep Pettibone (of Madonna fame) bought this amazing space and made it a gay mecca.

It’s normally very easy for me to jaunt around the country doing my shows. But recently it’s a bit more difficult. No it’s not the old hip joints from years and years of fan kicks! It’s the Chihuahua!

I have a new baby Chihuahua and thought it would be cute to take him with me for two days.. We’d be together and I could walk him on the beach. It would be perfect! He’s never traveled before so everything was new for him from the carrier to the train to the hotel to the carpet to the sand!

Our second day there I took him to the beach. It’s very hot out so we head to the shoreline. As soon as we get to the water this lifeguard start yelling at me, “GET OFF THE BEACH!” I say “what?” GET OFF THE BEACH? “why?” GET OFF THE BEACH! Once again "WHY?" He says “ NO DOGS ON THE BEACH, GET OFF THE BEACH!" I say “No dogs on the beach? That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!“ Have you ever heard of such a ridiculous law? And then he said I would have to leave too. I gasped with horror! I mean come on. It might not have been in my prettiest swmisuit but to say I was a dog was crossing the line. Then he barks (oh the word play) "Everyone needs a permit to be on the beach and that I could go to the trailer on the boardwalk to purchase one."

I have to say I was dumbfounded. It all seemed like a bad TV reality prank. BUT NO! In fact you do need a permit to enter 90% of NJ beaches. YOU HAVE TO PAY TO GO TO A NEW JERSEY BEACH!

I wanted to say “Can I at least ask the fecal count in the water today?“ But a true lady would never. She would just wait and write it for the world to see!


The thought of paying to go to a flat, dirty, waveless beach is hysterical! That’s OK I will go to one of the many millions of other beaches I can go to for free. And where they allow dogs.

And people want to know why New Yorkers seem a little tense or edgy….. It’s because for us New Yorkers …….the light at the end of the tunnel…. Is JERSEY!

LOL!!! That was fun! Ranting and Raving! I’ll have to do that again sometime!


P.S. I Love Jersey!